her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
