They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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