Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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