Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I die, sorry about rent.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
