I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
