R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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