my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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