thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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