just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
