We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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