So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
