I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
