My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
