my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
