i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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