AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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