I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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