I smell stomach acid.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
