On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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