who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How's work?
Spinning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
