Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
