nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
