I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
