I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
