and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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