Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
