Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
