He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
