it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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