you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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