the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
