I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
