I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
