I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
