I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
