look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
