apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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