If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
