I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
