Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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