I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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