WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
