just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
