Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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