One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
