i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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