why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
