don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
