AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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