So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
