Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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