Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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