Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
