I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
